I’m currently on my summer holiday at the moment, as I have been for the past two months or so, and all I can say is that I am really bored. I’m bored and I feel like I’m missing out.
My friends at uni are either at their homes all over the country, or they’ve moved into their houses back in Winchester/are staying there for the summer and are all meeting up and I can’t join them because I only move in in September, or they’re travelling somewhere else or they’re just busy. Even my friends at home always seem to be doing other things and it feels like no matter how hard I try, no one really wants to make the effort to spend time with me.
Am I being selfish? Probably. It’s not like I haven’t done anything in the time that I’ve been at home. I’ve met up with lots of people, but it’s the time in between these meetings that drag on and I find myself getting so bored and so frustrated and I worry that because I’m not with certain people, they don’t really care about me (which I know is not true but I can’t help that thought).
Right now, as I’m writing this, I just want to be back at university. I would be surrounded by friends all the time, and I could be doing things and going to places like Brighton Pride (which is this weekend but I can’t go because it’s too far away for me). On one of the group chats I’m in, everyone’s always talking about meeting up to go Pokemon hunting, or just going for a picnic, or watching a film, or going to a party and I’m at home trying to get by on my own, pretty much. It feels like no one actually wants to see me while I’m at home.
I hate the feeling of missing out on things, and I think that being at home has enhanced this feeling because I know that I can’t go to things unless I spend loads of money on travelling to get there. To be fair, for the past three days I’ve been going to the beach with a few of my friends from home, and last Friday we had a Vegan Mexican Night at my friend’s house, and all of these things were such lovely catch ups, but I still feel unsatisfied. Why don’t people make the effort like this more often? Why don’t I make the effort more often? In my opinion, I feel like I’m always the one who starts the conversation on Facebook to see if people are free, and it’s not just this summer, but the whole year. The only group where I don’t feel like this is the Blog Squad twitter chat, and I’ve never even met these people in person.
I’m rambling. I know. This probably doesn’t make any sense but I need to try and figure out what I’m thinking. I don’t think it’s worked.