As you’ll know from my recent blog posts about my A-levels, results, and getting into university, I have been through quite a lot in the last 5 days and even though I am now pretty much sorted, I’m still left wondering whether I’ve made the right decision or not.
I’ve received an offer from a university. That happened on Sunday, and was made official yesterday when I went to visit the campus (I also received a notification on my UCAS track page). I’d never visited this university or the town before, so although I had accepted the offer before visiting it, I wanted to be positive… yet there was still a part of me that was a little apprehensive. (Is that the right word?)
I did end up liking what this university had to offer. You might remember in one of my previous posts that I did call another university over the weekend, but they said they would get back to me if they had any places left on the course through clearing, and if they were able to lower the entry requirements. (I was 20 UCAS points off of what they wanted) So, of course I expected to either hear nothing from this university, or to hear bad news, which is partly why I chose the university I’ve actually chosen.
But today they called me. And I think they were going to offer me a place. I wanted to tell them quickly that I’d already accepted an offer elsewhere, which I did, but now a part of me is wishing that I’d waited a little bit longer. If you have already read the posts I wrote from this weekend, however, you’ll know that I had to wait for three whole days to hear from my insurance choice that I hadn’t got a place with them, so by this stage I was sick of waiting. For anyone.
The reason I’m now a little unsure is because the second university (who called me today) was one which my friend went to and they said they loved it there, whereas I personally know no one who has gone to the university I am now going to so I’m not really sure. If you know me, then you’ll know that decision making isn’t exactly my forte, unless I really know what I want or don’t want.
I think I sound really ungrateful that I’ve actually got a place somewhere. That’s not at all the way I want to come across. The point is that I’m terrified of making the wrong choice. My dad has been asking me if it’s what I really want, and going to university is all I’ve thought about since I was 15. Now it scares me that I may have made the wrong choice. What if the university that called me today was the better one out of the two? What if I don’t like where I’m going to be studying? How do I know that it’s all I’d hoped it would be? This whole thing is freaking me out. I just need someone to tell me that it’s going to be fine, but being me, I’ll just deny it and ask them “how do you know?”
My hands are shaking again. I think I’m going to start panicking if I think about this all too much and then I’ll get a headache and end up in my bedroom crying again. I don’t want to be in that place but it’s all I can think about and the question that keeps spinning around my head is “what if you hate it there?” It’s not like there’s anything I can do about it anyway, because I’ve applied for accommodation and finance and all of that.
I just wish the second university hadn’t called me at all. That, or had just made a quicker decision in the first place.