I wasn’t really planning on writing a post today, because my first exam is next week and I have two essays due in first thing tomorrow morning, but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest, and seeing as my blog is the place where I make sense of things, I thought I’d write about it here.
As you know, I’m in my last year of high school. I’m doing my A2 exams, and hopefully I’m going to go to University this coming September. Most of my friends are planning on going to University, but we’re not all going to the same place, or going away at the same time. Two of my friends are taking a gap year, and one of my friends is re-sitting her AS year with subjects she much prefers and is better at. So out of the seven of us, four are almost definitely going to different parts of the country in four months time, whereas the other three are taking a year out and finishing school.
This is where a few of the complications have come in. You see, I’ve been friends with these people for a long time now- some I’ve been friends with since Primary school- and I know that when it comes to me actually moving out, it’s going to be emotional. However, I’m not one to worry about things way before they happen. I’m not nervous about living in a city on my own yet, because I’m more worried about actually getting the results I need first.
One of my friends suffers with anxiety, and I know for her it’s going to be hard when September comes, because she is one of the three who isn’t going to University this year. And it’s hard because I am looking forward to University so much, but sometimes I feel like I can’t talk about it with her, because I don’t want to make her upset by talking about it too much, but at the same time I don’t want to completely exclude her from conversations.
The other side to this post is the fact that I have been feeling for a long time that I don’t have much in common with some of these friends anymore. And it might sound crazily bad of me to say this, but one of the reasons why I want to go to University is to make a new start, and to find people who really do have the same interests as me. This isn’t me saying I want to abandon my old friends, but I just feel like I’m growing out of my little Devon town too fast, and I want to be in a city where there is so much more to do. I get frustrated when I think about how easy it could be for me to live in a city because I grew up in a city for 8 years, then we moved to the country and I’ve always considered myself a “City Person”. I don’t know what the future is going to hold for myself and my school friends, but I can’t help but feel like if I’m not the one who is keeping in touch with them, then we may just lose contact completely.
I’ve never really told any of my friends about this. I know that some of them will be reading this post, which is great but at the same time, makes it harder to write this post. I feel like I have to think carefully about what I am trying to say rather than rant about it, and will later look like I don’t like my friends or something. That’s not what I’m trying to do. I just feel that I need to talk about this because it’s important to me. The other reason is because I know that some of you guys reading this are at the age where you may be going to go to University or College or somewhere soon as well. I suppose this is a “Is It Just Me?” kind of post…
So anyway, that is my kind-of-rant over. See you next time.