Recently I’ve found with some of my friends, whether it’s due to exam stress or holidays, we just don’t talk very much anymore, and that makes me really sad because these are people I’ve been friends with forever. And I’ve also realized that it’s not just around exam time- if I ever want to talk to them through Facebook, I’m the one who has to start the conversation otherwise it just won’t happen. And that really sucks when the conversation ends quicker than it started.
But it’s not just talking to people over the internet. At school, I just find myself listening to a conversation that I don’t have much interest in, but I’m so scared of losing my friends before going to University that I just go along with it, hoping that they’ll notice me or that the topic might change. It all seems very childish when I put it that way.
I tend to find myself thinking that it’s something that I’ve done, and I’ve never believed in changing yourself for other people, so why would I be any exception? Then my mind drifts off into all the multiple ways in why this could have happened and I can never reach a conclusion except for maybe this one:
People change. And there’s not a lot you can do about it.
It’s a really harsh way of putting it, but it’s so true. These days, I find it hard to keep a conversation topic going for more than 10 minutes before either of us starts to trail off and wait for someone else to break the tension. At the same time, I don’t want someone else to come in, because it’ll break this “bond” that probably won’t last.
I sound really selfish, I know but I started this blog as a way to get my thoughts out of my head and this is what’s on my mind. Yes, I’m scared of what these friends will think when- if – they read this post, but I find this an easier way of telling them rather than face to face. And I’ve done it before, when I’ve had friendship troubles but I’ve never been so upfront. In the past it’s been through poems and stories, but rarely my true feelings written from my point of view.
I hope you guys understand this.