I’m sure many of you have heard or read that thing which says something like “Those who smile the biggest are the saddest inside”- or something along those lines, but I wonder how many of you actually realize how true that statement is.
I often have moments when i just smile because I don’t want my friends to keep asking me if i’m okay or whatever, because i don’t want them to fuss… but i think at the same time, there is a part of me that wants the attention, and I think at the end of the day we all want a bit of attention really. Generally, i am a smiley, happy person anyway so i think i just use that to cover up how i’m really feeling which, more often than not is just… alone. I get these times when everyone else around me is talking about their favourite TV shows, and i just sometimes feel left out because i’m behind or because no one else is really interested in the same things as me anymore so i don’t have a huge group of people that i can associate with. Does that make sense?
Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when i feel completely normal, and when i smile am being genuine and lovely and all that but it does make you think how often people are hiding their true emotions, even those who are closest to us. And the sad thing is, is that when i think of it that way i wonder how well i actually know the people in my life, and how many of them feel like i do sometimes… I think the problem with our generation is that we don’t talk enough, and i am a victim of that. I don’t always tell my friends when i’m feeling like that because i don’t think they’ll get it, or they might be offended because they might think that they are the problem, but when i do tell them i’m not always feeling that way so it’s harder to describe it.
Geez, life is confusing.
-South African Nutter